I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize