this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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