I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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