we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
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I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
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Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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