Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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