I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
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He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
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We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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