First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
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I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
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I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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