We're like a lot better than the average bears
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
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Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
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Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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