WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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