So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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