my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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