we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
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His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
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Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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