i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize