My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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