I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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