ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My pussy is not your playground.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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