you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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