I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
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my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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