I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
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Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
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Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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