So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
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It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
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Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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