omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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