i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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