take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
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I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
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I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize