I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He passed out mid-signature
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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