I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
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On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
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I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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