I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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