Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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