You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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