Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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