I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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