As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
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I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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