i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize