and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
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it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
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Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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