it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
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Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
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I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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