My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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