shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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