Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
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I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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