you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
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She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
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The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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