It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
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I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
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Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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