he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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