Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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