She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
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I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
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