You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Send help, water and tortillas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize