I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
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Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
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This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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