um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize