I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
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