I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
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Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
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THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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