Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
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What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
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…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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