when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
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Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
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Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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