So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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